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Mary
05 February 2008 @ 07:10 am
05 September 2007 @ 07:15 am
My life isnt as exciting as all of yours. Haha
uhm. i started highschool yesterday. And highschool starts at Grade 10 here. Not grade nine o3o..
I want to go to Shiny Toy guns on the 15th..
Nick and I are doing just wonderful :]<3 We went through a little bit of a stupid thing.. But then ITS ALL GOOD NOW n_nb Yep. Though people will be like "WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS RAWRARARWWRWw" You dont know him. so dont fuckin judge him plznthnxs :D~
..spanish is cool.
...and Im super tired. and hungry.
I should get ready for school now.
n_n Hope youre all doing well~
uhm. i started highschool yesterday. And highschool starts at Grade 10 here. Not grade nine o3o..
I want to go to Shiny Toy guns on the 15th..
Nick and I are doing just wonderful :]<3 We went through a little bit of a stupid thing.. But then ITS ALL GOOD NOW n_nb Yep. Though people will be like "WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS RAWRARARWWRWw" You dont know him. so dont fuckin judge him plznthnxs :D~
..spanish is cool.
...and Im super tired. and hungry.
I should get ready for school now.
n_n Hope youre all doing well~
Current Mood: 
exhausted
exhausted03 June 2007 @ 10:06 pm
Are friends supposed to listen to other friends problems and not ignore them for other people who are just using them?
or am i just a worthless greedy piece of shit no one likes?
oh right. i am. hahaaa
or am i just a worthless greedy piece of shit no one likes?
oh right. i am. hahaaa
Current Mood: melancholy
melancholy23 May 2007 @ 07:34 am
i actually WANT to write about yesterday...cause it was fun xDD and i got nothing to do cause im all ready for school...
ANYWAYS..
1st Period: Science. WE HAD A LAB TODYA! ohmygod sososososso much fun with labs. even if its a tiny experiment xDRyan forgot his sheet so he was like "Mary...Do you ahve a partner for this experiment?" and I was planning to go with lydnsey cause I always do, but I decided that i would go with ryan. But then our teacher said we could ahve 3 people? So ajred came waltzing up (ok..not really xD) and asked if we wanted to join him. So we said okay. So we ent to the front of the room and i got goggles and aprons and they got the rest of the stuff and we did our expermients...ok..well..jared did. Ryan kept singing songs from either Oliver Twist or Teenage mutant ninja turtles..WHICH I CANT GET STUCK OUT OF MY HEAD NOWchjaffsd... and we were also lookign at posters and laughing at this asian guy on the star trek poster HAhaaa..I dunno. He scared me though. Then after Ryan was like "IM GOING TO TOUCH ITTTTTT" and he almsot put this finger in like..some sorta chemical that I dont think harms anything..but still xD and then he was like "IM GOING TO TOUCH YOUUUUUUuuuu"..yeah..then he put 2 goggles on and was like "HAY MARY I GOT 6 EYES LOLOLOLOLOLOLolollol"..and i jsut started to laugh really hard xD I dont know why....then the bell came and we went toooo....
2dn Period: L.A. Which Ms. Leese was subbing today..and shes the funnest xDD And all the guys are like "MS LEESE!!!!!!" whenever she walks in ahhaa. So yeah. But we had to write notes on..poetry :\....gah stupid. But jared was like "HAY MS LEESE WRITE A POEM FOR US" and It was like.. "there once was a boy named jared. And he made the substitute scared." and all of our class burst out laughing and was like "WTF THAT DOESNT RHYME LOL"...yeah xD It was a funny class btu i dont remember all of it ;_;
Break: GOT CHIPS BUT PRESSED THE WRONG BUTTON AND GOT STUPID CHIPS I DONT LIKE ARGGGHHHHHHHHHHDFjkshsd
Period 3: Math. Nothing much to say. ryan fell asleep in class and Mr. Pryma jsut started to stare at him until he woke up. haha.
Period 4: Religion...Mr. Kieser rambled on about like...South africa and how the whites took over ect. ect..and we started watching this movie thats actually really good so far..its called like..sarifina or somthing.
Lunch: Normalll stufffff.. Ate food...cept me and gigi ran around like ninjas ahaha
Period 5: social..I dunno..I got asked a question i didnt know cause i was drawing..with that stupid study cube..then i was like "K HERE MR. MCLEOD -throws it and hits ryan in the head-" and right as it hit ryan josh said "BOOM HEADSHOT" everyone started to laugh xDD
Period 6:Had to leave to ortho :/ which they pretty much like...hurt me alot xD cause there was like...2 people pushing on my lower jaw...ow ;_;
..yeah im done xD
PS. hahaa elaine >3 I got a moulin rouge icon haha
ANYWAYS..
1st Period: Science. WE HAD A LAB TODYA! ohmygod sososososso much fun with labs. even if its a tiny experiment xDRyan forgot his sheet so he was like "Mary...Do you ahve a partner for this experiment?" and I was planning to go with lydnsey cause I always do, but I decided that i would go with ryan. But then our teacher said we could ahve 3 people? So ajred came waltzing up (ok..not really xD) and asked if we wanted to join him. So we said okay. So we ent to the front of the room and i got goggles and aprons and they got the rest of the stuff and we did our expermients...ok..well..jared did. Ryan kept singing songs from either Oliver Twist or Teenage mutant ninja turtles..WHICH I CANT GET STUCK OUT OF MY HEAD NOWchjaffsd... and we were also lookign at posters and laughing at this asian guy on the star trek poster HAhaaa..I dunno. He scared me though. Then after Ryan was like "IM GOING TO TOUCH ITTTTTT" and he almsot put this finger in like..some sorta chemical that I dont think harms anything..but still xD and then he was like "IM GOING TO TOUCH YOUUUUUUuuuu"..yeah..then he put 2 goggles on and was like "HAY MARY I GOT 6 EYES LOLOLOLOLOLOLolollol"..and i jsut started to laugh really hard xD I dont know why....then the bell came and we went toooo....
2dn Period: L.A. Which Ms. Leese was subbing today..and shes the funnest xDD And all the guys are like "MS LEESE!!!!!!" whenever she walks in ahhaa. So yeah. But we had to write notes on..poetry :\....gah stupid. But jared was like "HAY MS LEESE WRITE A POEM FOR US" and It was like.. "there once was a boy named jared. And he made the substitute scared." and all of our class burst out laughing and was like "WTF THAT DOESNT RHYME LOL"...yeah xD It was a funny class btu i dont remember all of it ;_;
Break: GOT CHIPS BUT PRESSED THE WRONG BUTTON AND GOT STUPID CHIPS I DONT LIKE ARGGGHHHHHHHHHHDFjkshsd
Period 3: Math. Nothing much to say. ryan fell asleep in class and Mr. Pryma jsut started to stare at him until he woke up. haha.
Period 4: Religion...Mr. Kieser rambled on about like...South africa and how the whites took over ect. ect..and we started watching this movie thats actually really good so far..its called like..sarifina or somthing.
Lunch: Normalll stufffff.. Ate food...cept me and gigi ran around like ninjas ahaha
Period 5: social..I dunno..I got asked a question i didnt know cause i was drawing..with that stupid study cube..then i was like "K HERE MR. MCLEOD -throws it and hits ryan in the head-" and right as it hit ryan josh said "BOOM HEADSHOT" everyone started to laugh xDD
Period 6:Had to leave to ortho :/ which they pretty much like...hurt me alot xD cause there was like...2 people pushing on my lower jaw...ow ;_;
..yeah im done xD
PS. hahaa elaine >3 I got a moulin rouge icon haha
Current Mood: 
blah
blah18 April 2007 @ 07:25 am
06 March 2007 @ 07:41 am
I have nothing to say :|
ALOT of thignshave happened...but like ive said..too lazyy )=
ohwell, im pretty happy with how the way thigns are at the moment. Dont want them to change..
Im too happy as it is<3 hah.
ALOT of thignshave happened...but like ive said..too lazyy )=
ohwell, im pretty happy with how the way thigns are at the moment. Dont want them to change..
Im too happy as it is<3 hah.
Current Mood: 
cheerful
cheerfulCurrent Music: Give it Away- Deepest Blue
23 January 2007 @ 06:32 pm
okay. So.
I finnaly found it you guys.
The thing ive been looking for.
The one thing that has been missing from my life for 3 damn years.
Happiness.
Holy shit you guys. You dont know how happy I am right now. Its actually fucking crazy.
Like Last night I was just thinking. Nothing really special. Just thinking. And I started crying you guys.
Not crying from pain or sadness.
But from happiness. I couldnt fucking believe it.
And today I was smiling all day. And I was the old mary.
The mary people knew before my depression. And the smile I had on today?
Not a fake one. Not one single bit was fake.
And then after school gigi just grinned at me and was like "Youre sure happy today"
And I just replied with a grin and we hugged. She knows as well as I do I needed this soon. I needed this spark of happiness.
I dont want it to go away. I hope it doesnt.
I love the feeling and it feels so amazing to have it back
And it feels even more amazing to feel so fucking loved.. I feel so loved
By my family
by my friends.
By him.
By you.
Everyone who is reading this. Youhave touched my life in some way or another. I want to thank you all for being here for me..I love each and every one of you guys..
Its the one feeling ive been longing to have for so long and I found it.
Im so fucking happy.
Im so happy...
"I guess cause im with you that im happy"
"Im glad. I love to make you happy and smile"
"You do..alot despite whatever you think..Youre pretty much the best thing in my life right now."
"Im tryin real hard to be a better person for you and to make you happy and not mess up anymore"
"I love you."
"I love you too."
I finnaly found it you guys.
The thing ive been looking for.
The one thing that has been missing from my life for 3 damn years.
Happiness.
Holy shit you guys. You dont know how happy I am right now. Its actually fucking crazy.
Like Last night I was just thinking. Nothing really special. Just thinking. And I started crying you guys.
Not crying from pain or sadness.
But from happiness. I couldnt fucking believe it.
And today I was smiling all day. And I was the old mary.
The mary people knew before my depression. And the smile I had on today?
Not a fake one. Not one single bit was fake.
And then after school gigi just grinned at me and was like "Youre sure happy today"
And I just replied with a grin and we hugged. She knows as well as I do I needed this soon. I needed this spark of happiness.
I dont want it to go away. I hope it doesnt.
I love the feeling and it feels so amazing to have it back
And it feels even more amazing to feel so fucking loved.. I feel so loved
By my family
by my friends.
By him.
By you.
Everyone who is reading this. Youhave touched my life in some way or another. I want to thank you all for being here for me..I love each and every one of you guys..
Its the one feeling ive been longing to have for so long and I found it.
Im so fucking happy.
Im so happy...
"I guess cause im with you that im happy"
"Im glad. I love to make you happy and smile"
"You do..alot despite whatever you think..Youre pretty much the best thing in my life right now."
"Im tryin real hard to be a better person for you and to make you happy and not mess up anymore"
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Current Mood: ecstatic
ecstatic12 January 2007 @ 04:54 pm
I sorta am dissapointed that ive lost that whole "connection" with spirituality with god and stuff like that. And im too tired to get is back.
Somtimes I feel like it would be nice to have a connection and to have that extra shoulder to lean on. I never really listen in Religion, I just tend to goof off and never really listen.
But a few weeks ago we had this veremony thing where we grabbed a rock and Father Mike said that it was all of our pains and suffering..and it was time to let go. We dipped them in Salt water, prayed and then took them out and took another one, not the same..and then we went up to either Father Mike, Brother Dan or one of the othe rpeople and we went and told them what this rock symbolized, the pain that we were letting go... It would of been nice if I actually told the real reason and the real thing that i wanted to let go, but i know I couldnt, so I lied...
But whatever. Im in over my head and too far away to get it back.
Anywayss..
This week has been fine I guess, I dunno. Ive been happy to see everyone, alot of things have happened this week. My moods have been a rollercoaster and I just..I dunno hwo to explain it.
gahh wahtever..uhm..yea..
okay this was a lame entry ._.;
PS. Ive decided that this song is my favorite song ever. Yep
...yeah.......
Somtimes I feel like it would be nice to have a connection and to have that extra shoulder to lean on. I never really listen in Religion, I just tend to goof off and never really listen.
But a few weeks ago we had this veremony thing where we grabbed a rock and Father Mike said that it was all of our pains and suffering..and it was time to let go. We dipped them in Salt water, prayed and then took them out and took another one, not the same..and then we went up to either Father Mike, Brother Dan or one of the othe rpeople and we went and told them what this rock symbolized, the pain that we were letting go... It would of been nice if I actually told the real reason and the real thing that i wanted to let go, but i know I couldnt, so I lied...
But whatever. Im in over my head and too far away to get it back.
Anywayss..
This week has been fine I guess, I dunno. Ive been happy to see everyone, alot of things have happened this week. My moods have been a rollercoaster and I just..I dunno hwo to explain it.
gahh wahtever..uhm..yea..
okay this was a lame entry ._.;
PS. Ive decided that this song is my favorite song ever. Yep
...yeah.......
Current Mood: 
confused
confusedCurrent Music: Blue October feat. Imogen Heap- Congratulations
09 January 2007 @ 08:39 pm
I don’t like the feeling of being alone, and what I’ve heard from other people, they don’t either.
But what if despite surrounding yourself around people, your friends, strangers, family, what if you still felt cold. Alone and empty? What if despite everything you try to do, trying to make yourself happy and change yourself so you can be a better person overall? What if you try and try and try and try and try your hardest to come over that feeling and try to be happy for everyone you care about...But you just end up feeling more alone?...
That’s what I feel everyday, every single day of my life.
I can’t help it either. It’s something that just comes to me and I can’t seem to control it. Its getting worse by the second, when I’m alone in the house I cant take it, which is maybe why I come on the computer so often, to try and hide that emotion, shut myself out, I cant take the fact that I’m alone in that house, This awful house.
I’ve tried for over 3 years to get over this feeling, these feeling of emptiness and coldness, but I can’t seem to grasp the whole idea of “Getting better". They just seem to be words to me. I can’t get better, it hurts too. I don’t want to let go.
Why don’t I want to let go of something that hurts so much to keep? I guess it’s the memories of what happened to make me this way.
They’re something I keep dear to me and something that despite everything, despite the whole part of me getting hurt by them they’re all I have left
All I have left are a bunch of fucked up memories.
I find it hard to talk to people too, especially my classmates. None of them have been in actual depression. All it is really is “My boyfriend broke up with me” or something along the lines of that, something that we all go through at one part of our lives. I’m not saying that that doesn’t hurt because it does, but when I try to talk to them about it, they either don’t listen and think that it’s just a phase or they just don’t get it.
I don’t particular like taking to online people because a lot of the time it’s just a pity-fest on here. I don’t like being pitied, I don’t want a hug or a simple “I’m sorry” because really all you’re saying is “I’m sorry that you’re feeling that way. I’m so glad I’m not in your shoes though!” and I hate that.
I don’t like being alone… And I don’t like the feeling of being alone when I know I’m not… But why can’t I feel happiness or get close to someone without feeling hurt? Why am I afraid to love and doubt the people I do care about? These questions have bogged my mind for so long and I’m so sick of trying to find the answer…
Why can’t I be happy? Why...
But what if despite surrounding yourself around people, your friends, strangers, family, what if you still felt cold. Alone and empty? What if despite everything you try to do, trying to make yourself happy and change yourself so you can be a better person overall? What if you try and try and try and try and try your hardest to come over that feeling and try to be happy for everyone you care about...But you just end up feeling more alone?...
That’s what I feel everyday, every single day of my life.
I can’t help it either. It’s something that just comes to me and I can’t seem to control it. Its getting worse by the second, when I’m alone in the house I cant take it, which is maybe why I come on the computer so often, to try and hide that emotion, shut myself out, I cant take the fact that I’m alone in that house, This awful house.
I’ve tried for over 3 years to get over this feeling, these feeling of emptiness and coldness, but I can’t seem to grasp the whole idea of “Getting better". They just seem to be words to me. I can’t get better, it hurts too. I don’t want to let go.
Why don’t I want to let go of something that hurts so much to keep? I guess it’s the memories of what happened to make me this way.
They’re something I keep dear to me and something that despite everything, despite the whole part of me getting hurt by them they’re all I have left
All I have left are a bunch of fucked up memories.
I find it hard to talk to people too, especially my classmates. None of them have been in actual depression. All it is really is “My boyfriend broke up with me” or something along the lines of that, something that we all go through at one part of our lives. I’m not saying that that doesn’t hurt because it does, but when I try to talk to them about it, they either don’t listen and think that it’s just a phase or they just don’t get it.
I don’t particular like taking to online people because a lot of the time it’s just a pity-fest on here. I don’t like being pitied, I don’t want a hug or a simple “I’m sorry” because really all you’re saying is “I’m sorry that you’re feeling that way. I’m so glad I’m not in your shoes though!” and I hate that.
I don’t like being alone… And I don’t like the feeling of being alone when I know I’m not… But why can’t I feel happiness or get close to someone without feeling hurt? Why am I afraid to love and doubt the people I do care about? These questions have bogged my mind for so long and I’m so sick of trying to find the answer…
Why can’t I be happy? Why...
Current Mood: lonely
lonelyCurrent Music: Ryan Ross- When the Stars go Blue
08 January 2007 @ 06:13 am
I dont get why i got a livejournal
Sure it was fine foir a while but I feel like writing in xanga better..x_x; Though I do come here daily I dont feel like writing cause i dont think anyone read them :/
So eh whatever~
I guess ill copy and past from my xanga again xx;
Sure it was fine foir a while but I feel like writing in xanga better..x_x; Though I do come here daily I dont feel like writing cause i dont think anyone read them :/
So eh whatever~
I guess ill copy and past from my xanga again xx;
Uhmm....Ive shut out alot of people for the past few weeks...or have lied..sorry.. Especially to Hailey....Sorry....
uhhh...yeaa.. Im sorta looking back to go back to school? My friends and my classmates are my world and i love them to bits and pieces...Just not looking forward to all the dramatic bullshit there. haha. whatever. It will be nice to go back. Im actually looking at talking to Mr. Pryma about some things.. uhm yea.
I dunno...Ive also been goin to nikos house alot lately. his family and him have been cheering me up so fucking much lately. Its amazing. I dunno. I swear that place is like a home to me. And theyre jsut..gahh. They actually offered me a place to go to South America with them for 5 weeks in the summer.. I was like "holy shit o__o; I would but my friend from ontario is coming down to see meee"
Which im super excited about. I was actually planning to go down in August (1-14th) butttttt...I thought she would wanna come back to where she usedta live..And now deal wiht her fmailys bullshit..so yeah ^^; even though I really wanna meet Matt ftw D:
Oh well.. Also..excited about the hockey game on the 20th. Jamie was like "PFFTTT I DONT LIKE YOU NOW" though im taking her to the one in march xD ahha whatever. britt is coming up form calgary to see me and yeah..were gunna hang out at the mallll..~
yea..
Ohyeah..Im really worried about my health right now..>>;.....
Theres a chance that I got Diabetes..Yepp..I got alot of the symtpms xx;..and ive had them for a while now..but my mom jsut recently brought up seeing the doctor..so Im gunna ask her to make an appointment..So..I can know for sure..cause I sorta..am paranoid. Yeah..I dont think i do..but i dunno for sure.
And of course Nick has gotten me worried..About somthing I cant talk about. YAY FOR THAT. Whatever. Its not like Im going to leave him or anything like that like alot of people think I am doing. No. Im not. So whatever. Seriously. When people expect me to leave him and judge him it hurts me more. :) So I hope you all know that.
Eh whateverr
Whoooo~ Yayyy Time for school
Current Mood: worried
worriedCurrent Music: Mad World- Gary Jules
24 November 2006 @ 12:52 am
I present to you Matt Chugging Pepsi at 2 in the morning.
....
Its almost better than PORN :D
...ohimgunnabegonetilldecemberninthokbye<3
but i might get acess to a computer so yeah :3
Current Mood: 
contemplative
contemplativeCurrent Music: Two weeks in hawaii- Hellogoodbye
15 November 2006 @ 09:41 pm
Dude. Mixed Messages= FUCK
Serioulsy. Does anyone else hate them? because I sure as hell do. Mrrrrr...
School has been great actually except for today in Social class ><;...-sighs-
whatever..
Serioulsy. Does anyone else hate them? because I sure as hell do. Mrrrrr...
School has been great actually except for today in Social class ><;...-sighs-
whatever..
Current Mood: 
frustrated
frustratedCurrent Music: Scratch- Kendall Payne
11 November 2006 @ 09:01 pm
08 November 2006 @ 08:59 am
ok..maybe I didnt write..xD
uhm..I jsut finished a descriptive paragraph for L.A...and yeah...
BUT THIS IS BASICALLY A NOTE FOR MYSELF- GO ON IMVU ON FRIDAY WITH NICK..
Thats all.
uhm..I jsut finished a descriptive paragraph for L.A...and yeah...
BUT THIS IS BASICALLY A NOTE FOR MYSELF- GO ON IMVU ON FRIDAY WITH NICK..
Thats all.
06 November 2006 @ 09:00 am
....Waking up to Lips of an angel SUCKS...:<
Ill write later Foo'
Ill write later Foo'
Current Mood: freezing
freezingCurrent Music: Lips of an angel- Hinder
04 November 2006 @ 01:32 am
This song is actually quite awesome I must say =) I wasnt having high hopes that MCR would do that well with their second album and the performance on the VMSA tottaly suckaged (maybe cause I turned on when it was ending and I was like...wtf?)...So it feels nice to hear them..And This song makes me really happy for some reason..
Uhh..Anyways..Im gunna write about my day cause NONE of you ever knwo what I do during my day cause I never write about it...SO HERE WE GOOO
( SCHOOLZz )
...It was a okay day..except..Yeah..I kept on thinking of Nick all..day..heh..Not that thats a bad thing..but I want to be with him so badly right now..BADJGSADDFSADjsdfdsfdsds
...bleh..
Current Mood: 
Tired
TiredCurrent Music: Welcome to the Black Parade- My Chemical Romance
31 October 2006 @ 04:51 pm
I just came online to say happy halloween everybody
since my main group of friends is ignoring me ('cept Gigi and jenna) I had no one to go trickortreating with |D
but now i do. So whatever.
Thats the last time imhelping those guys since supposedly im 'bragging' when I give thema headsup when mr. p is doing a homework check..--; Ungreatful ._.
(cept for gigi<3)
...OHYEAH..Tomorrow is November 1st...
Which means....TAKE YOUR KIDS TO WORK DAY...
and..
The day me and Nick confessed to eachother...WHooooo.
I drew a picture even though we aint together ._.
Lalaaaa...And I was listeing to the song I gave him after we confessed...all dayyy.
http://img270.imageshack.us/img270/8389/c
Thats the picture
OH AND BIGG THANKS TO SAM SINCE SHE HELPED ME WHEN I BROKE DOWN LAST NIGHT<33<33....I drews a picture for youzzz
....-goes to get dressed up as mary with a cape on for halloween-..xD LAME I KNOW
xSka Zero: Faster than a hyper squirrel....
xSka Zero: and smarter than einstein on crack!
xOzz3hx: ITS..
xOzz3hx: SUPER MARY
xOzz3hx: xD
xSka Zero: I thought it was a plane )=
xSka Zero: or a bird, or a monsterous sparrow
since my main group of friends is ignoring me ('cept Gigi and jenna) I had no one to go trickortreating with |D
but now i do. So whatever.
Thats the last time imhelping those guys since supposedly im 'bragging' when I give thema headsup when mr. p is doing a homework check..--; Ungreatful ._.
(cept for gigi<3)
...OHYEAH..Tomorrow is November 1st...
Which means....TAKE YOUR KIDS TO WORK DAY...
and..
The day me and Nick confessed to eachother...WHooooo.
I drew a picture even though we aint together ._.
Lalaaaa...And I was listeing to the song I gave him after we confessed...all dayyy.
http://img270.imageshack.us/img270/8389/c
Thats the picture
OH AND BIGG THANKS TO SAM SINCE SHE HELPED ME WHEN I BROKE DOWN LAST NIGHT<33<33....I drews a picture for youzzz
....-goes to get dressed up as mary with a cape on for halloween-..xD LAME I KNOW
xSka Zero: Faster than a hyper squirrel....
xSka Zero: and smarter than einstein on crack!
xOzz3hx: ITS..
xOzz3hx: SUPER MARY
xOzz3hx: xD
xSka Zero: I thought it was a plane )=
xSka Zero: or a bird, or a monsterous sparrow
Current Mood: infuriated
infuriated28 October 2006 @ 11:06 pm
Well...like these lyrics depress me ._.
Yeah..Well..OTHER THAN THAT- Things have been...fine lately. I dunno. Things have sorta went downhill form my last entry (if you arnet my friend on here you cant read it) and yea..I dunno. Im really confused about lots and losta things
OHYEAH- Dontcha hate it when people dont let thigns go..Like a few days ago at our dance jenna came and I was like "JENNA -flings out arms-" and accidentally hit someone and they wouldnt fucking stop whining about it >___o I was just about to yell at her "Shut the fuck up! I already told you it was an accident --;" but instead I went over to another group of people and started dancing with them. So whatever.
But again- I dunno. I guess I feel...fine? I cant really explain it. Ive gotten random bursts of Anger which ive handled quite well and jsut clenched my fists and Counted to 10...And yea...It seems to be working..which is good I guess?
Ive been thinking alot lately..Its strange cause it tends not to be on one thing...It tends to switch from topic to topic and I dunno..I have alot to say but i know I dont have the fucking guts to say it...=\. Especially about the whole "love" thing...I dunno. I have alot to say to TWO people...Yea...Two ._...The second guy is not my type at all..and Im pretty sure its jsut lust and I dunno. I dont feel the same..like when Im with him yknow?..I dunno. there is a major difference there and I know it.
But Its weird cause I was thinking while rambling to Jen a few days ago and it occured to me...Like it doesnt matter what the fuck the circumstances are we always end up back together...Its so fucking strange..And I guess thats the one thing that is keeping me hanging onto this idea of us? Yeah...
Gahhh..I dunno. Im rambling x_x;; Sorry about my all...angst-y Livejournal entries...
Im not loooking for pity or attention...just an ear...
( Lyrics )
Yeah..Well..OTHER THAN THAT- Things have been...fine lately. I dunno. Things have sorta went downhill form my last entry (if you arnet my friend on here you cant read it) and yea..I dunno. Im really confused about lots and losta things
OHYEAH- Dontcha hate it when people dont let thigns go..Like a few days ago at our dance jenna came and I was like "JENNA -flings out arms-" and accidentally hit someone and they wouldnt fucking stop whining about it >___o I was just about to yell at her "Shut the fuck up! I already told you it was an accident --;" but instead I went over to another group of people and started dancing with them. So whatever.
But again- I dunno. I guess I feel...fine? I cant really explain it. Ive gotten random bursts of Anger which ive handled quite well and jsut clenched my fists and Counted to 10...And yea...It seems to be working..which is good I guess?
Ive been thinking alot lately..Its strange cause it tends not to be on one thing...It tends to switch from topic to topic and I dunno..I have alot to say but i know I dont have the fucking guts to say it...=\. Especially about the whole "love" thing...I dunno. I have alot to say to TWO people...Yea...Two ._...The second guy is not my type at all..and Im pretty sure its jsut lust and I dunno. I dont feel the same..like when Im with him yknow?..I dunno. there is a major difference there and I know it.
But Its weird cause I was thinking while rambling to Jen a few days ago and it occured to me...Like it doesnt matter what the fuck the circumstances are we always end up back together...Its so fucking strange..And I guess thats the one thing that is keeping me hanging onto this idea of us? Yeah...
Gahhh..I dunno. Im rambling x_x;; Sorry about my all...angst-y Livejournal entries...
Im not loooking for pity or attention...just an ear...
Current Mood: indescribable
indescribableCurrent Music: I could get used to this- The Veronicas
20 October 2006 @ 01:53 pm
I don't mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
I don't like illusions I can't see
Them clearly
I don't care no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually
What you'll do
I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long are you're here
-Sick Puppy; All the Same
Such a good song -loves on it- <3...Anyways..I might as well write about whats been happening up here in hockeytown wut.
Hockey;;Uhm..Well...Hockey has started and were....Second in the Northwest division...And we were 8th last year..-knocks on wood-...Which is freakin awesome. The whole city is back together again..and gah. I fucking love hockey because it DOES bring our town together..and if you guys have seen theyve been plying that molson commercial with all the people singing that hockey song..Haha.Yeppp
School;;Ive been doing so much better its not even funny. I love having Mr. P as a homeroom. Its freakin awesome. ANd yeah...Ryans been talkign to me alot lately..and i guess were good friends again (we sorta..distanced ourselves from eachother since kendra hated me and im sure that she thought i was gunna 'steal' Ryan away from her or somthing..) and then ive became friends with like....everyone xD and people i'd never thought i'd be friends with. Yeaaah. And my marks are basically in the 90's so that means that i might be able to get a laptop -excited-. So when i go on vacations I wont be without internet access and stuff :3....But yeah...
Social Life;;So my socail life? Haha. Its been pretty good. I went to The grudge2 with Jenna, Elise, Gigi and Kathryn on Friday and yeah..we met a shitload of people from my school there so we hung out and talked to them after the movie. And then we played that game where we could win a mp3 player and were always like..1 off...gahhh...I want a new one! But we got glowsticks instead so yeah..we raved in the parking lot....And in Lions park were me and gigi went swinging and Gigi was like "wtf I CANT STOP!" and yeah. Haha. It was fun. And Then we went walking along the 'drug path' to jennas house (SHE LIVES IN THE GHETTOOOOOO...HAHA) and then yeah..we thought we saw someone walking near us and gigi screamed and we found out it was a pole..AND THEN we got to jennas house and I freaking LOVE her dog T__T...
Yeaaahh xD..BUT HE CAME AND JUMPED ON ME...Which was amusing too..But then we asked him to drive us to Gigis and we basically hung out here for an hour and we all like..tried on clothes..Haha. I only put on hats and scarfs...but me with sunglasses, a truckerhat and a scarf= HOT... And then we grabbed her camera n' shit and we went back to Jennas...And elise had to go so we were sad. But then after we went to Jennas we went for like...a 2 hour walk...around the ghetto and yeah..we went back to Grandin theaters..and went ontop of the mall there..on the roof (We found out how..Its not that hard) and then we found this door that was oepn...and we were frakckedn scared (we saw the grudge....Haha) and yeh...Gigi was over on the other side so we were like.. "come over here )=" and we found a flashlight in her pocket so she looekd in...and then we heard footsteps o_o; and i was freakin scared Haha. BUT YEAH and then we ran liek hell and people were running liek hell after us...and then me and gigi ran itno the forest...but they ran into the forest...but didint see us..Haha..yeha...
AND THAT WAS MY WEEKEND..last weekend...but thers a part this saturday...yes. for gigi....but yeah..whoo.
Family;;Met my dad a week ago too...It was fun. I knwo where i got my personality from now..whooooo. and then like..a month ago i saw jim and jordan again..and me and jordan looked at old photos of us. cause yeah...dude...we were like brothers and sisters for like..since he was 4 and i was 3..yeah o_o;
...and thats it..I think xD..I dunt wanna talk about my love issues....i will maybe later..but yeah....
I hafta go to school now.
18 October 2006 @ 05:15 pm
I broke down in art today |D;
Yeah. I probably wouldnt of if my friends didint pester me and ask me what was wrong and stuff...And then when i told them I CANT tell them they would say "well thats what friends are for D<"
...and thwn i reply wiht a "I-I can-t talk about it...because my mom said I...-starts sobbing-"
....second fucking time in the past month.
...btw this is my THEMESONG
When I was a young boy
I was honest and I had more self-control
If I was tempted I would run
Then, when I got older
I began to lie to get exactly what I wanted
When I wanted it
- And I wanted it
Now, I'm having trouble differentiating
Between what I want
And what I need
To make me happy
So instead of thinking I just act
Before I have the chance to contemplate the
Consequence of action
Bridge:
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
Burying the voices of my concience hitting the ground
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
The chemicals are restless in my head
Chorus:
'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my flawed design
And ever since I figured out
That I could control other people
I've had trouble sleeping
With both eyes closed
And if I asked permission
If I make sure it's ok
I promise I won't slip up this time
You can trust me
But never take advice from someone
Who just admitted to being devious
Who just confessed to treason
And I would also
never ask a question
That I cannot ask myself
For it might
Dirty up your conscience
Chorus:
'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my -
And how can you say those things
Why can't you just believe
And how can you say those things
And keep a straight face
And how can you say those things
Why can't we just believe
And how can you say those things
And keep a straight face
Bridge:
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
The chemicals are restless in my head
'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my -
'Cuz I lie
And if I could control it
Maybe I could leave it all behind
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is all a part of my
Flawed design
Yeah. I probably wouldnt of if my friends didint pester me and ask me what was wrong and stuff...And then when i told them I CANT tell them they would say "well thats what friends are for D<"
...and thwn i reply wiht a "I-I can-t talk about it...because my mom said I...-starts sobbing-"
....second fucking time in the past month.
...btw this is my THEMESONG
When I was a young boy
I was honest and I had more self-control
If I was tempted I would run
Then, when I got older
I began to lie to get exactly what I wanted
When I wanted it
- And I wanted it
Now, I'm having trouble differentiating
Between what I want
And what I need
To make me happy
So instead of thinking I just act
Before I have the chance to contemplate the
Consequence of action
Bridge:
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
Burying the voices of my concience hitting the ground
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
The chemicals are restless in my head
Chorus:
'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my flawed design
And ever since I figured out
That I could control other people
I've had trouble sleeping
With both eyes closed
And if I asked permission
If I make sure it's ok
I promise I won't slip up this time
You can trust me
But never take advice from someone
Who just admitted to being devious
Who just confessed to treason
And I would also
never ask a question
That I cannot ask myself
For it might
Dirty up your conscience
Chorus:
'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my -
And how can you say those things
Why can't you just believe
And how can you say those things
And keep a straight face
And how can you say those things
Why can't we just believe
And how can you say those things
And keep a straight face
Bridge:
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
The chemicals are restless in my head
'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my -
'Cuz I lie
And if I could control it
Maybe I could leave it all behind
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is all a part of my
Flawed design
Current Mood: crushed
crushed